Dear Susan, 3rd July 2010

Dear Susan,

I'm confused. Josie has just told me that because we didn't massage our children as infants with a mixture of apricot oil and banana leaves, we've probably done irreparable damage to their mental, physical and psychological well being. More guilt. How can my girls do that to me when they are thirty somethings, with guilt of their own they should be dealing with?



When they were little I read every authoritative book on what I should be doing for my husband, children, pets, potplants and freezer in order to keep them happy well adjusted and frost free. In the process of absorbing all this information I became unhappy, mal adjusted and frozen over.



How can I justify the fact that I didn't give birth to my children underwater? Not only did I put them through a birth trauma they'll never forget ,it didn't do much for their swimming prowess either. Funny though. I don't remember my birth trauma and I know I didn't come into the world at the bottom of a spa tub.

And discipline is so confusing. If we spare the rod we spoil the child. If we spank the kids they can put us away for ten years for abuse. Mind you ten years away doesn't seem too bad sometimes. How do you discipline children these days? Reason with them? By the time children are old enough to reason with they are totally unreasonable. I guess you could give them "time out" in their rooms where they can watch their 3D TV, play with their X boxes or download music on to their i phones etc etc.

If we correct their spelling or grammar we "suppress" their creative urges. We are raising a generation of creative adolescents who can't communicate unless it's on a building wall with a can of spray paint.

I'm sure that mothering was once instinctive. If not, how has the human race survived for so long ? Like a mother cat with her kittens we knew when children needed to be picked up, fed, consoled, cleaned and disciplined. Now we can consult a book to see if we are wiping their noses properly, or indeed if we should wipe them at all. Instinct has been drowned in an ocean of psychological brainwashing.

I've been watching kids grow up for a while now and I've noticed that only a very small percentage of them become sociopaths, politicians or worse. Yhe majority of the population seems to consist of fairly normal individuals either in spite of, or because of their upbringing.

To those of you who are confused like me, may I make a suggestion.; ignore any book or article which begins with"How To......" "Do You......" "Why Don't You...." and "Where Did You Go Wrong..." Believe in your basic instincts and if you can't find them, there's this great little paperback I've got called "How To Get In Touch With Your Basic Instincts" Let me know if you would like to borrow it.

Love
Janet xx