Friday, October 7, 2011

Dear Susan,
I'm so impressed with your vegie patch, thanks for the lettuce by the way. I ate both leaves at once. I would have eaten the tomato as well but a grub beat me to it.
Anyway your efforts have encouraged me to have a go myself; it's a bit of a challenge though when the garden bed is a 2x1 metre tiled balcony. Thanks for the planter boxes by the way. I always thought it would be an advantage to grow my own herbs and vegetables, you know, to cut down my carbon footprint (size 6). And now that fresh produce is so expensive ( I lay-byed a banana the other day) I thought I could save a fortune.
Well you know my history with plants. I get them home from the nursery, re-pot them, and they commit suicide while I'm going to get the watering can. It's not so much a case of feed and weed but more like fill, spill, and kill.
I was determined this time would be different. I planted lettuce, rosemary, mint, basil, parsley and snow peas. Your Andrea, whose garden by the way is delicious, told me to attach the snow peas to some stakes. I'm so glad I did. The snow peas died but at least the stakes are starting to shoot. I have had some success with a nastursium seed that blew into the planter one day. It is climbing all over the entire balcony now and blocking out the sun. I'm waiting for a prince to come and cut down the jungle and kiss me awake from my 100 year sleep.
Maybe my lack of success is due to my fundamental ignorance of Latin. I come home with a couple of plants labelled Azalea and Gardenia and when it's too late to do anything about it, I discover that their Latin names must be Quo Vadis and Rigor Mortis.
It's not so much that I don't have a green thumb but more that I just don't have green plants. They are yellow, brown, black or have big holes in their leaves. My lettuce was crisp but does anyone want brown crisp lettuce? Yesterday I was so excited because there was a flower on my strawberry plant; then I discovered it was a nastursium. I just don't get it. I can grow mould in my shower recess, fungus in my joggers, and bacteria in my fridge; what is it with me and horticulture.

Someone once told me that the difference between a weed and a flower was a value judgement; I am no longer going to be judgemental about my plants. They can just go feral, a bit like my kids. They all grew into very rare orchids, or weeds depending on your pont of view.

Anyway if you are coming over on Sunday for lunch could you bring some mushrooms please; mine don't seem to like the sun.